Once again today when casually looking at health related content autism and ADHD were being vilified.
I’m going to try and put my thoughts into words here without sounding confrontational or failing to make sense. I also want to make it clear that these are my thoughts and experiences as a neurodivergent person I do not claim to speak for all.
I am a quite well educated person with a couple of degrees and am working on a law PhD. I’m also a personal trainer/yoga teacher and Pilates instructor and use to love learning more about new discoveries in how to improve my health, my families and my clients.
I also have ADHD, my husband is autistic, my 82 year old mum is autistic, my eldest son is AuDHD, my daughter is autistic my middle one we suspect has ADHD.
I find it difficult to put into words how upsetting it is every time I watch a health expert or wellness guru I enjoy on YouTube or flick through stories on Instagram to see that really they would rather I and my family wouldn’t exist.
Of course not once and I mean literally not once has any of these professionals spoken to a neurodivergent person on their channels while discussing us. We are never included in the conversation or spoken to, only spoken about. With the conversation centred on what they believe “caused” us and how to “fix” us. Half facts are stated such as “the microbiome in autistic people is less diverse than neurotypicals” the inference being that gut bacteria causes autism. Without ever acknowledging that most autistic people have a handful of safe foods they eat on repeat. We know that the greatest driver of gut diversity is food diversity so I ask you, does the microbiome cause the autism or is it more likely that the autism causes the microbiome. Of course never bothering to talk to an actual autistic person they likely won’t consider this.
So wellness gurus here’s my lifestyle. I exercise daily, I follow circadian health patterns, I eat a whole food, high plant organic meat diet, I use red light and NIR daily, I added NIR back into my family’s daily environment, in the summer we get outside often. In the winter for at least an hour a day and this winter we have been embracing cold.
Do all the above help my health? Yes, of course. Do various things help with some of the symptoms of my ADHD? Absolutely. Some also have helped my daughter.
For example a Circadian biology focus and daily red and NIR has helped my daughters anxiety and OCD massively. Far more than any medical intervention ever did.
Sticking to a good light routine helps my focus and to a degree impulsivity.
Is she still autistic? Yes.
Am I still ADHD? Yes.
We haven’t “cured” ourselves, we’ve found ways to optimise our health as neurodivergent people. In the exact same way as neurotypicals can optimise their health both physically and mentally.
When I try and raise this type of conversation I’m often told that something that boils down to “oh we don’t want rid of your type of autism or ADHD just the difficult people”
It’s then acknowledged that the autistic people like my husband who pretty much built silicon valley and keep the tech industry going are ok to keep around. Or the autistic people like my daughter who understands Physics like it’s as natural as breathing, or the many professors at universities who we all know are autistic of the savant side.
Which means as neurodivergent people our right to be seen as being ok to exist in society is how well we blend with the neurotypical world or how useful we are to the neurotypical world. This is an issue across the board with disabilities.
Or the suggestion is made that we separate what use to be called Asperger’s (anyone want to be named after a nazi child killer? Yeah me neither) and autism. Or “high” functioning and “low”; functioning.
Except for neurodivergent people the terms aren’t always helpful.
Someone who is seen as “high” functioning because they are able to fit into society, have a brilliant mind and a good job might be masking most of the time and have significant support needs outside of work. They might struggle deeply with social interactions or finances but feel they can’t access help because they have never been told that their symptoms are varied and impact different aspects of life. Divorce rates for example are extremely high with autistic people. One of the potential ways of avoiding this might be to help couples understand each other’s neurology and support needs rather than thinking that the other person just doesn’t care or isn’t trying.
Many neurodivergent people prefer to refer to support needs. I have for example low support needs but benefit greatly from my husband’s attention to detail in editing university work and making sure footnotes etc are correct. The last faffy bits of work and fine detail my ADHD finds mind numbingly suicidally dull.
My daughter is ridiculously intelligent but has at times significant support needs outside of academics.Individuals who have high support needs and need round the clock care can also be extremely loving beautiful people not deserving of the label low functioning.
Then there’s the line I hear constantly and I mean constantly is that diagnoses are on the increase. That it’s a big problem and essentially we must end this plague of these weirdos. I always love feeling like I shouldn’t exist.
My personal thoughts on the increase in diagnosis are as follows:-
A more diverse group of people are being diagnosed. Firstly older people who did not have the option of being diagnosed due to the diagnosis simply not existing when they were young or because if it did the only people who were put forward for diagnosis were those who caused other paths most problems. My mum growing up would not have been diagnosed even if autism was known about because she was able to pass as normal. She however struggled all her life with various aspects of her family life, friendships and career and when she was diagnosed at 80 it was a huge relief. She wasn’t getting it wrong. She was autistic.
I wouldn’t have been diagnosed as a kid even if the option were available as I passed in society. I was diagnosed at 50 although I realised I was ADHD years before. But had I been able to be I would have avoided a bad marriage at 19, managed to get through my first degree on attempt one and avoided a number of other not optimal adventures as a young woman. My daughter had I not pushed for diagnosis would not have been put forward for diagnosis as she was quiet and well mannered but being diagnosed has allowed the university to support her in ways that optimise her experience and allows her to have not received a mark below 80% most are over 90. The only one of us who would have been diagnosed would be my eldest son because he was a pain in the arse at school.
In other words even when diagnosis became common it was only open to those with the most obvious symptoms and then sadly it was often mainly for the benefit of others. Although I realise that many parents seek diagnosis thankfully in order to help their children. Now we are seeking diagnosis for ourselves for our benefit and for the benefit of our children to allow them to gain the best in life. Not just because we are a problem.
It wasn’t that long ago even into the 80s in some places that people who had the more obvious symptoms were institutionalised and never able to have a family. Thankfully that no longer happens which means more neurodivergent people are having children.
I do think that anxiety, OCD, extreme poor attention and other mental health struggles within ADHD and autism are becoming more prevalent. As they are in society generally. Add in a change in the world to the high speed noisy environment most of us now live in which is very difficult for neurodivergent people and causes genuine stress and an exasperation of struggles. This then could be leading to autism and ADHD being more noticeable in individuals who at one point in a quiet unstimulated 1970s world just about fitted in.
What I mean is take someone like me who grew up in the 70s with ADHD which meant a huge amount of time outside, getting up in the morning and going to bed in the dark. No bedroom TV, no devices. Being naughty was staying up reading under the covers!! Virtually no processed food. Then plonk me in the modern world as a child and would my symptoms get worse? For sure they would. I would probably have gone from being a kid that passed (although horrifically bullied for being different) to one that was an utter pain. In other words, changes in the modern world may have led to the expression of ADHD being more obvious and more diagnosed. So yes like a lot of the people in the health world I don’t think that all aspects of the modern world are great for us. For any of us.
We know neurotypical children develop attention and anxiety issues in the modern environment. Could it be worse for neurodivergent children who already struggle with attention or anxiety?
Does that mean there are more ND children or that children who might have passed as NT no longer can? I am not suggesting for one second that passing was a good thing by the way here, just that our modern world at times might be pretty awful for our neurotype and generally make life harder.
I also think there are neurotypical children who develop ADHD like symptoms due to overstimulation, poor diet (which is often over caloric and nutritionally deficient) and not enough movement or sleep.They are diagnosed when they aren’t neurodivergent they are struggling in a modern environment.
Finally autism and ADHD are more known about, more spoken about and it’s (outside of the health sphere where we are still made to feel like pariahs) accepted. Which means more people are aware enough to look for a diagnosis or put their children forward for diagnosis.
I often hear people talking about “curing” someone’s ADHD or autistic and my heart breaks. Sometimes it might mean that a neurotypical child has been put in an environment that allowed those symptoms to dissipate but often it means that a neurodivergent child has been taught to hide the way their brain works for the sake of other people.
If you ever take the time to talk to someone who is actually autistic or ADHD that just about always leads to significant problems from addiction to failed relationships and general self loathing. If you love someone who is neurodivergent, help them optimise their life but don’t expect them to not be neurodivergent.
One of the saddest aspects of the health sphere othering neurodivergent people is there are a number of life tweaks that could genuinely help ND people have better, more enjoyable and successful lives in the same way as they do neurotypicals. Could we use that as a dialogue rather than the “we must get rid of these people” attitude? Could we focus on improving our lives rather than us being an issue to you? Embrace the joys the modern world has brought us while finding ways to change our environment to allow our neurotype to work to its best be that for a person with high support needs or low support needs.
If you are involved in health and wellness and you believe that certain things will help autistic or ADHD people lead better, more successful lives, phrase it that way. Stop talking about us as a problem, speak about how light or nutrition might help anxiety or focus. Talk about how sleep helps everything. But don’t make it sound like we are your problem to solve. We aren’t and no matter what we do we will still be ADHD or autistic.
How about being revolutionary and actually talking to a neurodivergent person in the wellness sphere about what has helped them rather than talking about them. There are plenty of diagnosed adults, open a dialogue and be willing to listen rather than tell them how you believe they work.
Also be aware that the return to making it sound like being autistic or having adhd is the worst thing possible will stop those who can pass in society from seeking diagnosis. Undiagnosed and unsupported ADHD is linked to numerous consequences including very high rates of addiction and criminality. It is to the benefit of the individual that they know how their mind works and can build a life that suits their neurology.
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/10870547231176862
If you are a parent wanting to help your child absolutely do everything you can to help their life be happier and healthier but please please don’t aim to cure them. At best you will be disappointed and they will know it. At worst they will mask in an attempt to appear to be who you want. That as with undiagnosed individuals has risks of addiction, law breaking and divorce.
Finally let’s be honest you neurotypicals aren’t perfect either! You seem to need to socialise constantly which is exhausting. The passing of time with small talk is boring and incredibly fake. The desire to talk about your feelings all the time when there’s interesting facts we could share is infuriating and for the love of god could you please say what you mean rather than politely skirting around the issue. Then there’s the fact you rarely have a special interest you can share with us, if you do have a special interest you keep it for life rather than absorbing every possible fact before ditching it to hyperfocus on a new one. How do we possibly learn new info from you if you stick to one idea for life.
But we love you so we accept these quirks 😜
Finally if you made it this far, thank you. I don’t expect you to agree with everything I think but I do think it is important to open a dialogue that includes ADHD and autistic people rather than talking about them or wishing we didn’t exist.
If you are a parent of an ADHD or autistic child consider checking the links below. You might find you yourself have some of the recognised traits of ADHD or Autism. You might even be one of us. That often is the case.
If you are a health professional working with parents with neurodivergent children consider if they could be also be ADHD or autistic.
Heck if you are a hyper-focused obsessive academic maybe give it a go too.
https://embrace-autism.com/autism-spectrum-quotient/
https://psychology-tools.com/test/adult-adhd-self-report-scale
Sam Kelly Fitness 